Tomorrow Never Dies
by 4everCoverGirl
Summary: Avery left him. He doesn't know why, he doesn't know where to,whether she'll ever come back. He has serious problems, cutting one of them. His friend Logan tries to help him through it. Will he be able to make him learn to live without Avery? Read to find out.(Note: Big Time Rush never existed, the boys have a band called 'Summer Idiots' and are just starting in the business KOGAN)
1. Chapter 1

_I know, I know, new story and I haven't even found time to update the other 2 I have. But I barely find the time, summer holidays are so busy I don't even know why. But please read this little introduction/first chapter, tell me if I should keep going, if it should be long or short. I got this idea all of a sudden while listening to 'Tomorrow never dies' by 5 Seconds of Summer, so yeah the title credit goes to them ;)_

*Flashback*

The sun was just about to rise when I suddenly woke up.

Avery was no longer next to me. I looked around the room to see if anything had changed.

Yes, the closet was open and her clothes were gone.

I observed the rest of the room. All of her things were gone. I couldn't think of a reason behind this.

*Flashback end*

That was 2 weeks ago and there still was no sign of Avery or why she would have left all of a sudden.

I thought about our relationship really hard but I couldn't find anything that was wrong with it. I didn't see my friends since she left.

I called to tell them but I didn't want to see them. I know they were worried about Avery as well as about me. I wanted to be alone.

I was sad, heartbroken and I was clueless. I never ever wanted to leave my house again. All I did was lay in bed, watch TV, eat and sleep.

There wasn't really anything to do - without Avery. She was the lead singer of our band, the one we had with my 3 best friends.

It was called 'Summer Idiots' (A/N:made this completely up) and all we ever did was play as a opening act for a couple of bands.

I didn't have a job because the band was my job, it was enough to live off.

This day, it was just like all the days before. I got out of bed to go downstairs into the kitchen.

I was about to make myself something to eat, when I heard a knock on the door.

The first thought that came to my mind was 'Avery', but I knew that wasn't a possibility, she didn't appear for more than two weeks, so why would she now?

When I went to the door and opened it I knew I was right.

Logan stood there, with a bag from Taco Bell in his hand, coming in as soon as I opened the door, without even bothering to ask.

That was it. Please review and tell me what I should do. Thanks guys :D


	2. Chapter 2

_Since I didn't get any reviews yet, I'll just post the second chapter so you can get a better impression._

'You need to get out of here!'

'Tell me one good reason.', I answered sighing and went to sit down on the couch.

'Because since she left, all you did was barricade yourself in this house. You need to go on with your life.'

'Not a really good reason you know? Tell me where she is and that she is save and I'll be able to go on with my life.'

'Kendall, you know I don't know the answers. But that doesn't matter, you have to try to move on.'

'I can't! Don't you understand that?!

**SHE is my life. **

**SHE was the reason I smiled every day. **

**SHE is the reason I still am alive.' **

'Ken you are overreacting. She isn't the reason you're alive.'

'She is.', with that said I left him sitting there and went back upstairs into my room- still hungry. I know Logan might think I was overreacting or joking or something. But I wasn't.

Before I met her, I was so miserable. The boys didn't notice, my fake smile was good enough to please them and stop them from asking if anything was wrong. 'I'm fine', became my standard response. I felt lonely and my friends couldn't fill this part of my heart. I had started cutting the day before I met Avery.

**She was the reason I stopped. **

**She was the reason I didn't go further.**

**She saved my life.**

I heard a knock on my bedroom door, probably Logan. I didn't answer, he'd come in eventually anyway - I was right. He opened the door and sat down next to me.

'Kendall why did you never tell me? Why did you always pretend to be fine?'

'It was easier, it stopped the questions.'

'I...we would have helped you.'

'Not if you'd have known why I was like this.'

'Why?' I sighed.

I didn't want him to know, he didn't need to know. He won't stop asking about it, I knew that.

But if I had to tell someone I'd probably tell Logan...

'My parents. My friends. My life in general.'

'What about your family made you feel so bad about yourself?'

'The fact that they deserved better. A better son, a better brother, a better grandson, a better family member.'

'You know they didn't feel that way.'

'They did, they just didn't show it because they thought they would hurt my feelings, they did even more with hiding it.'

'What about your friends?'

'The same I guess. I wasn't always the best person I could be. I wanted to be the best I could be for them, for you, for everyone. I didn't ever want to make mistakes. I don't want to make mistakes.'

'But mistakes are human. You are an incredible person Kendall, you have got to realize that. We all love you the way you are. You have to accept yourself.'

'That's the problem Logan, that's my problem.'

'I'll help you. What's about your life? What problem's there?'

'That I will never ever be able to please all of my friends, you, obviously Avery.'

'You don't know why she left. Why can't you please your friends and me?'

'I don't know, it just...it feels like I'm not good enough, for anyone.'

'And how did Avery help you with that? Did she say something? Did she do something?'

'Just her presence, her being always there, no matter what I did or said. She always was by my side.'

'I'm too, you just have to let me. I care for you, you know that Kendall.'

I wasn't sure if I knew that. I mean, sure he has always been there for me, I could rely on him but would he stay with me if he knew how messed up I truly was?

'Kendall?'

'Yeah?'

'I'll always stay with you, okay? No matter what, I won't leave you, I promise.'

I nodded. I believed him. I always did. He put his arm around my shoulder but I didn't move at all. I thought about how my life's going to change, now that Avery isn't here anymore.

It wasn't even the fact that she left me, it was the fact that I didn't know why she left and if she is safe. To know she's safe was everything that I'd have needed to know.

'Ken?' I got back into reality when I heard Logan say my name.

'What's up?'

'I asked you what you were thinking about?'

'Oh...I thought about how all I need to know is that she's safe.'

'I'll try to find an answer. I promise. Come downstairs with me, you've gotta eat something at least.'

I nodded and followed him downstairs. He made me sit down at the kitchen table and started cooking something. I watched him doing this and thought about Avery, when she had stood there.

It reminded me of all the days we spent together cooking, baking, just hanging out doing whatever. It wasn't the kissing I missed. It was a person that was always there, day and night, listening to your problems, helping to solve them or just having an open ear.

A person that I just realized wasn't only Avery for me, but Logan all along too.

'Logan?'

'Yeah Ken?'

'Thanks...for everything you've done for me, for always being there when I needed someone, when I needed you.'

'No problem Ken, I told you I'd be there for you, always.' I nodded and smiled at him. I truly smiled for the first time in forever.

I didn't have to fake it, it was as sincere as a smile could be.

'I'm glad I'm able to make you smile and not just fake it.', he said, shortly looked at his eggs he was cooking and then came over to me, leaning down and hugged me.

I hugged back and I felt really safe, for the first time in forever. Avery sure made me feel safe and secure but this was different.

_Correct me if you feel the need to because I truly know nothing about depression and so on. I'd really appreciate it. Thanks guys._


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks for the review from suitelifeforever9_

When we were done eating Logan and I washed up the dishes together in silence.

'So what would you say to leaving this house for a couple of hours? Get some fresh air.', Logan asks while sitting down across from me again, watching my reaction.

'Really?'

'You should Kendall. We'll just go for a walk in the park or something. I just want you to get out of here for awhile, you need the fresh air and the sunlight. Just look at how pale you've gotten, I'm really worried.'

I sighed, I couldn't disagree with him, so I just nodded.

'Thanks.'

I nodded again and went upstairs to change into some jeans and a different t-shirt, since I was just in sweatpants and a loose shirt all day. I went downstairs again and saw Logan waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. He was looking at me with a smile and I looked at him questioning.

'What's wrong? Do I have something on my shirt?'

'You don't. You just seem happy and I didn't see this side of you in a long time.'

I smiled slightly and we left the house. We walked over to a near park in silence.

'What have you been up to the last weeks?'

'Nothing much. Since you didn't accept or return one of my calls I just sat at home and convinced myself to leave you some time alone. But I guess I couldn't wait any longer, so I came over to your house since it seemed to be the only possible way to find out if you're still alive.'

'I'm sorry. I just didn't feel like talking to someone or doing anything at all. How's it going with Cal?'

'The usual, nothing special, except he just doesn't seem to get how important you...your wellbeing is to me. Anyway you've gotten thinner. Did you eat?'

'Sometimes. Whenever the hunger was unbearable.'

'Please call me whenever you need any help, no matter if it's two in the morning or 9 in the afternoon. I'll come over anyway, promise.'

'I will, thanks Logan.'

'No problem Ken.', he said smiling at me.

I could see and hear in his words that he cared for me and it was great having someone to help you through everything. It felt different to have Logan around me now that Avery was gone.

I didn't feel the need to explain to someone why I was hanging out with him so much, why he meant so much to me. I wouldn't be able to anyway.

It just felt right.

Having him around.

Talking to him.

Hanging out with him in general.

We went home again when it started to get dark.

'Like I said before, call me if anything's wrong and if you can't sleep just call so we can talk or I'll come over.'

'Thanks Logan. I really appreciate it.'

We stood there in silence and I thought about what to do next. I've never been 'nervous' around him. Eventually I just hugged him and I was glad when he returned the hug.

'See you Logan. Bye.'

'Bye. I'll stop by tomorrow. '

'Cool.' I turned around and went inside my house. I made myself a cup of tea, went upstairs and sat down on my bed, taking my guitar and strumming slightly for the first time since Avery left.

Ever since the day that we met  
I couldn't get you out of my head  
There was always something about you  
Every chance that I seem to get  
Finds a way to end in regret  
There was always something about you

Jealousy keeps containing me  
In time you'll see  
Just what we could be

[Chorus:]  
But I'm always too late  
I'm always too late  
I see you but I always hesitate  
'Cause I'm always too late  
Don't wanna be too late  
To have you by my side and I can't wait  
'Cause never is too late

Every time I see you with him  
I'm tearing down the walls in my head  
I can't hold back any longer

Jealousy keeps containing me  
In time you'll see  
Just what we could be

[Chorus:]  
But I'm always too late  
I'm always too late  
I see you but I always hesitate  
'Cause I'm always too late  
Don't wanna be too late  
To have you by my side and I can't wait  
'Cause never is too late

Wanted to tell you  
What I feel inside  
Don't wanna hurt you  
I'll make you feel alright

Wanted to tell you  
What I feel inside  
Don't wanna hurt you  
I'll make you feel alright

[Chorus:]  
But I'm always too late  
I'm always too late  
I see you but I always hesitate  
'Cause I'm always too late  
Don't wanna be too late  
To have you by my side and I can't wait

'Cause I'm always too late  
(I'm always too late)  
I'm always too late  
(Waiting for you babe)  
I see you but I always hesitate  
'Cause I'm always too late  
(I'm always too late)  
Don't wanna be too late  
(Waiting for you babe)  
To see you by my side and I can't wait  
'Cause never is too late

I wrote this song a long time ago, before Avery even came into my life. It still seems to fit perfectly on mine and Logan's situation.

I've never thought about Logan in a romantic way but now that he cares so much about me and without Avery, the feeling that I like him more than a friend becomes stronger.

_Song credit goes to 5 Seconds of Summer (Too Late) _


	4. Chapter 4

I put my guitar away, changed into my sweatpants and a tank top and laid down in bed, sipping on my tea from time to time. I was thinking about how Logan and I went through a lot things together and how he was always there for me.

I closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep but it just wouldn't work so I laid there with open eyes. I didn't want to call Logan, he probably was busy with Cal or thought I was too sensitive. After laying there for over an hour I grabbed my phone and dialed his number, hesitating, before pressing 'call' .

'Hey Kendall.', he said, his voice sounded wide awake. What time is it even? I looked at the clock beside me - 10:06pm.

'Did I wake you?'

'You did but that doesn't matter, everything's alright?'

'I guess, just can't sleep.'

'I'll be over in 10, ok?'

'You don't...you don't have to.'

'I want to. See you in 10, bye.'

'Bye.'

I put my phone down and laid my head back down. In the end I was happy I called him. It felt good to know he was on his way because of me.

I heard a knock on the door and went downstairs to open it. Logan stood there. Messy hair, sweatpants and a t-shirt. He looked just adorable. Wait, what?

'Hey, thanks for coming and I'm sorry I woke you up.'

'Stop apologizing, I'm happy you called. Didn't want to be home anyway.', he said, the last sentence quieter.

'Why? What's wrong Logan?'

We went over to the couch and sat down next to each other.

'Cal's just annoying me right now.'

'What happened?'

'Like I told you before, he has a massive problem with us hanging out with each other. So I told him that I wasn't going to stop meeting up with you.'

'What did he do?', I asked quietly.

'He...h-he broke up with me and left.'

'I'm so sorry Logan. You didn't have to say that, you knew it would risk your relationship.'

'He can't be the right one if he doesn't accept me hanging out with you, besides...it wasn't the same anymore anyway.'

'Are you ok?'

'Surprisingly I feel really good. However why weren't you able to sleep?'

'I don't even know, too much on my mind probably.'

'What did you do after I had left?'

'Made myself some tea and played one of my old songs on guitar...actually for the first time since Avery left.'

'Which song? Do I know it?'

'I doubt it.'

'What's it called?'

'Too Late.'

'Can you show me?'

It probably wasn't a good idea to show him. He'd know that it was about him. No it wasn't a good idea at all to show him. But still I nodded and got up to get my guitar. I sat down beside him again and started playing the song that would reveal everything.

...

I finished strumming and put the guitar away. Logan just sat there, looking out the window in silence.

'Logan?', I asked carefully.

'Why'd you never tell me?'

'Tell you what?'

'That you are gay and that you like me.'

'Because I never knew it, both of it.'

'But you said it was an old song.'

'Yeah before I met Avery I wrote it about no one in particular but now it really fits my situation. Well not anymore because you and Cal broke up.'

'Yeah because you mean so much to me and I didn't wanna loose you.'

'And even though I hate seeing you sad, I'm really glad you chose me over him.'

'I'm not sad, not even a tiny bit.'

'But I thought you really liked him?'

'I did or I liked the thought of being in a relationship. However I'm happy we broke up and I'm still able to hang out with you.'

'You never told me if you liked the song?!'

'I really loved it and it's never too late, you know?'

'Well most of the time it is.'

I leaned back in the couch and looked out of the window in the pitch black night. I felt Logan shift on the couch and looked at him. He suddenly was closer to me and I didn't mind at all.

'You know I really care about you Ken. I'd never be able to hurt you in any way and if I had known that me being with Cal was doing exactly this to you, then I would have never started this relationship, believe me. Seeing you sad is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through.'

I smiled slightly at what he'd just said. He sat with his chest facing me so it was an easy thing to do to hug him.

He wrapped his arms around my waist hugging me tighter. I pulled away and we smiled at each other. He suddenly leaned in closer and I was shocked at first but I didn't mind.

I leaned in too and closed the gap between us completely, our lips moving perfectly in sync. I loved the feelings of his lips on mine and I never wanted it to end.

He pulled away and I bit on my lower lip, slightly smiling at him.

'I'm really happy I'm here with you Ken.'

'I really like you Logan, I honestly do.'

'I know Ken. I can feel that.'

I smiled at him and he pecked my lips shortly, making me smile even more.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for not updating, I was on vacation but I hope you guys still want to read more. So have fun with this chapter, hope you like it. Please review so I know if you all still want this or not and if it is any good. Thanks.**

He changed and sat down cross legged, while I laid down with my head on his lap. I looked up at him and he smiled his adorable dimpled smile while stroking my hair. I was so happy in that moment.

'It's late, we should go to sleep Ken.'

'Hmm...' He laughed slightly and lifted my head up, getting up himself.

'Come on Ken.' I sighed and got up from the couch. He took my hand, intertwined our fingers and we went upstairs together. We laid down next to each other and turned our bodies to face each other. I looked at him smiling.

He leaned in and put a hand on my cheek. Our lips touched and it felt like it was the first kiss all over again. I pulled him closer by the collar of his shirt and the kiss got more passionate with every second.

He pulled away for air and I snuggled up to him. He put his arms around me and kissed the top of my head, stroking my hair.

'Logan?'

'Yes?'

'I'm glad you're here.'

'Love you Kenny.', he whispered and I looked up at him.

'Too soon?' I smiled.

'I love you too Logie.' He hugged me tight and I kissed him gently. He pulled away and turned around so he could switch of the light.

He turned back to me and I fell asleep on his chest.

I woke up when my phone started ringing. I slowly opened my eyes and rolled over. I grabbed my phone and looked at the caller ID - James.

'Hey buddy, what's up?', I answered, my voice sleepy.

'Did I wake you?'

'You did.'

'You know that it's almost noon?'

'I didn't. I was just sleeping really good. Why did you call?'

'Wanted to tell you that Carlos and I thought about doing a band meeting, deciding what to do. Just have to call Logan to tell him. Around 3pm at yours?'

'Yeah sure. No need to call Logan, I'll tell him.', I answered just when I felt two arms sneak around my waist. I turned my head and smiled at Logan.

'You don't have to call him I can do that.'

'James let me just tell him myself okay? See you later at mine. Bye.'

'Fine. Okay. Bye.'

I hung up and put the phone down.

'Who was that?'

'James. Band meeting today at 3pm at mine.'

'Do we tell them?...About us I mean?'

'I don't know. I mean I want to, but...'

'Then we'll do it. I just wanted to know if you are okay with it.'

'I am.' I smiled at him and kissed him shortly. He leaned back in when I pulled away and we kissed for quite some time. I pulled away and looked at the time.

'Logan, we gotta get up. They'll be here in barely an hour.'

'Fine.', he said sighing and gave me one last kiss.

'Can you give me a t-shirt and I'll just keep my sweatpants on.'

'Yeah sure.'

I went over to my closet and felt his arms wrap around me from behind. I resisted the urge to turn around in his arms and kiss him for the rest of the day and took out a grey and white t-shirt with a little blue in it. I turned around and gave it to Logan.

'Thanks Ken.' I took out another pair of sweatpants and a tank top for myself and when I turned around Logan was already changed.

'I'll be downstairs and make something to eat before the guys come over.'

'Okay, I'll be down in a few.'

He left and I changed quickly, following him downstairs. I found Logan standing in the kitchen, making pancakes. I wrapped my arms around him and looked over his shoulder.

'I love it when you cook for me.', I whispered into his ear and kissed his neck.

'Kendall not when I'm cooking. Please stop, I don't want this to get burned.'

I laughed slightly and kissed him one more time. I started setting everything on the table, then I sat down on one of the chairs and watched Logan put everything on a plate which he put down in the middle of the table.

He sat down across from me and we started eating. When we were almost done I heard the doorbell ring. I ate the last bite and stood up to open the door while Logan put everything in the dishwasher. I opened it and saw James and Carlos standing there.

'Hey guys.', I greeted them smiling genuinely.

'Hey Kendall, you seem happy?'

'I am.' 'Why? Is Avery back?'

'No she isn't, still no sign of her.', I explained while they came inside.

While James and Carlos sat down on the couch Logan came out of the kitchen just when I was about to follow them.

'Hey James, Carlos.'

'Logan why are you already here?', James asked and Carlos added:

'And why are you wearing one of Kendall's t-shirts?'

'Um, well...', I started while Logan came over to me and stood next to me. He helped me with putting his arm around my waist and pulling me closer.

'We are together now.'

'Guys if you wanted to joke on us, you could have just made something else up, this isn't funny you know?', James said and glared at us.

'James I think this isn't a joke.', Carlos said quietly and sighed.

'It isn't.', Logan and I both said.

'Well okay. Congrats I guess.'

'James why are you so odd about this? You knew that I am gay, the only thing that's new is that Kendall is too and that we are a couple. Why is that so shocking for you?'

'I don't even know okay? Just...just don't leave him like Avery did. I don't need him heartbroken again and I don't need the band to split even more.'

'James do you really expect me to do that? I know what a wreck he was, I don't want him to go through something like that ever again. You should know that I've always cared for him.'

'I know that. Just don't do it.'

'I won't James, okay?'

'James, I trust him ok? I've always trusted him.'

'I know Kendall and I hope you won't Logan.'

'Okay, now band meeting. Will we keep the band and start rehearsals again? I vote yes.', Carlos said, trying to get us back to our actual problem.

'Me too, we don't necessarily need Avery.', I said and Logan and James nodded in agreement.

'Okay then, next rehearsal when?'

'Um, what about on Wednesday? In my basement, like always.', I suggested and everyone agreed.

'So how did this happen? I mean last thing I knew you were miserable because Avery left you.' , Carlos stated and I frowned at the thought of Avery.

'Yeah I know but yesterday Logan just came over and we talked and went on a walk because he forced me to go outside and...we mostly talked. He told me to call him if anything's wrong, no matter when.

When he left I played one of my old songs, realized that I liked him more than a friend and when I couldn't sleep I called him. He came over and I ended up showing him the song. He got the message, now we are together. Did I miss out on anything?', I asked directing that last question at Logan.

He shook his head and smiled.

'So you are happy and willing to leave the house?'

'I guess so. Why?'

'Because we still have this gig on Friday as an opening act.'

'Then we should rehearse, starting tomorrow instead of Wednesday.'

'Why not today?', James asked.

'James!', Carlos said looking at Logan and myself, but James didn't seem to get the message.

'Leave this day to them. We'll go home now guys. Have fun.', Carlos said winking and led James out of the door.

We waved goodbye and then closed the door behind them.

**Again: PLEASEEEE Review. Follow. Favorite. Would mean lots. xoxo**


	6. Chapter 6

'Are you really okay with performing without Avery?', Logan asked in a worried tone, while we went over to the couch and turned on the TV.

'Yes Logan I am. I would have said so if I wasn't.', I answered, trying to convince him that I was okay with it and partly trying to convince myself too.

'I don't believe you. You are just saying this so I don't worry. You can lie to the others Kendall, but not to me. I know when you lie. So tell me the truth. Are you upset that we'll be performing again?'

'That and I'm afraid.'

'Afraid of what?'

'She was always standing with me there singing and now I'll stand there alone. I'm afraid I'll make a fool of myself and that I'll mess everything up and disappoint you guys and you'll kick me out of the band and you'll break up because you don't want to be with someone like me and then...'

'KENDALL! Stop! You are an amazing singer and performer. You won't make a fool of yourself, you won't mess anything up and you will never be able to disappoint us. And even if you forget lyrics or 'mess up' we won't kick you out of the band and I would never consider breaking up with you. There's NOTHING that could happen that'd make me break up with you. You are perfect to me, understand that?!'

He had looked into my eyes the whole time and I couldn't not believe him when he said all that. He really seemed to love me.

'Thanks Logan.'

'Come here.'

He opened his arms and I cuddled up to him. He stroked my hair and I lifted my head to give him a peck on the lips. When I pulled away, Logan leaned back in and put his hands behind my head pulling me closer. My hands were on the hem of his shirt and wandered slowly under his shirt. He pulled away and took his shirt off, then continued kissing me, this time laying me down and getting on top of me. I trailed my fingers over his chest, enjoying the feeling of his bare skin under my fingertips.

He pulled away again and took of my shirt too. But instead of continuing to kiss me, he started kissing my neck and going down my chest, leaving a trail of the feeling of his touch behind. He stopped at my pants and wanted to undo them, but I stopped him. He brought his hands back up and put one on my cheek, kissing me gently. I smiled into the kiss, happy he understood. I rested one hand around his neck and one on his chest.

He pulled away and laid down with his head on my chest. I played with his hair and felt him smile against my chest.

'I love you Logie.'

'I love you too Ken.'

'What about watching a movie and ordering pizza or chinese or something?'

'Pizza and movie sounds good. What movie?'

'That new Emma Watson movie sounded great 'the perks of being a wallflower'.'

'You look for it on Netflix and I'll order the pizza. What do you want?'

'Surprise me.', he said smiling and returned his attention to the TV. I took the flyer that I found in the hallway and dialed the number for the pizza service. I ordered two pizzas and then went into the living room, sitting down next to Logan on the couch. He started the movie and leaned back on the couch, putting his arm around me. I leaned into him and laid my arm around his waist putting my head on his chest. We watched about 30 minutes of the movie when the doorbell ramg.

I got up and went to get the pizza while Logan went into the kitchen and got a knife and two plates. I paid the delivery girl just when Logan came over and wrapped his arms around me.

'Logan?'

'Yes. Do I know you?'

'I bet you do. I'm Spencer, we took the same math classes for 4 years and even did a few projects together.'

'Oh yeah right I remember. So that's what you are doing now?'

'Nooo, haha that's just to get a little money to finance college. I'm studying to become an architect.'

'That's great, good luck with that.'

'Thanks, what are you doing?'

'Oh, two friends of mine have a band with Kendall and myself, called 'Summer Idiots'. Well we had a girl, Kendall's ex girlfriend but she...had to move. Now we are trying to make it on our own.'

'Then good luck to you too. I'm sure you are really great. I would love to stay and chat but I don't want to interrupt you guys any longer and I have to go back to work too. It was really nice seeing you again.'

She wrote something on a piece of paper and gave it to Logan.

'If you need anything just call.'

'Okay, bye.'

'Bye.' She left and we closed the door.

'She so had a crush on you.', I said and smiled at him.

'Why would she? Wasn't it obvious that I'm not interested in her or girls in general?!'

'Well it was but she probably still has hope that you'll change your mind.'

'I won't. Why would I? I have you, I don't need her or anyone else to be happy.'

'Leave her the little hope she still has. Not everyone can have an amazing boyfriend like you.'

'Well thanks you are too but now let's eat our pizza and watch the movie.' We sat back down on the couch, took a slice of pizza each and continued watching the movie. When we were done eating I laid down on the couch with my head on Logan's lap. He stroked my hair and along my back till my waist, then started on my hair again.

I really enjoyed his presence. He took the blanket that had laid next to him and covered my body with it. He got up and laid down behind me, wrapping his arms around me. We watched the movie until the end and I was really impressed by it.

'I like Sam's idea of living.'

'What do you mean?'

' "It's just that I don't want to be somebody's crush. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don't want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too."', I quoted, 'I love that. Her way of thinking.'

'Well I do. I like the real you and not what I think you are and I show it and you feel it too.'

'I know and I do, still I like that quote and her.'

'The music was perfect. They really have great taste. I liked Patrick, he was a cool dude.'

'And Charlie, well he was different.'

'Yeah but still definitely needed for this story.'

'I think I'll read the book.'

'You think that's a good idea?'

'I normally don't but I really want to know how it was written down before they made the movie.'

'Understand.' I unwrapped the blanket from myself and stood up.

'Where're you going?', Logan asked his voice begging me to come back.

'Relax. Just putting away everything.'

'Let me help you.'

'Logan, no. You've done enough for me, just let me do this on my own.'

'Fine.' I put everything in the dishwasher and trash and went back into the living room. I sat down next to Logan.

'You know there are things I love to do and I do way to less.'

'Why don't you just do them?'

'Sometimes it just isn't appropriate.'

'What couldn't be appropriate enough?' He put his hand on my cheek and turned my head so I was looking at him. He leaned in and kissed me passionately, pushing me back onto the couch, getting on top of me. I took his shirt off and started kissing his neck, making him moan slightly.

He pulled my shirt off too and I put my arms around his neck pulling him closer, continuing to kiss him. He put his hands on my waist and I loved the feeling of his skin against mine. We continued making out until the doorbell rang repeatedly. I pulled away.

'Who the hell wants something at this time?', Logan said and I just shrugged. We got off the couch and I looked through the peephole.

'Avery.', I whispered to Logan. His eyes widened and he quickly went into the living getting our shirts. We put them on and I opened the door.

'Hey Kendall. Logan, didn't expect you to be here so late.'

'Hello Avery.', we both said and stared at her as if she was a ghost.


	7. Chapter 7

We continued making out until the doorbell rang repeatedly. I pulled away.

'Who the hell wants something at this time?', Logan said and I just shrugged. We got off the couch and I looked through the peephole.

'Avery.', I whispered to Logan. His eyes widened and he quickly went into the living getting our shirts. We put them on and I opened the door.

'Hey Kendall. Logan, didn't expect you to be here so late.'

'Hello Avery.', we both said and stared at her as if she was a ghost.

'Guys stop staring. Can I come in?'

We went to the side and let her in. She went into the kitchen and sat down on one of the chairs. Logan and I followed her, sitting down on the other two chairs.

'Where were you?', I asked and grabbed Logan's hand under the table.

'I needed some time.' 'And you couldn't write a note or something?'

'No.'

'Well why did you need time?'

'To think.'

'Avery, just talk.'

'I didn't want to leave you guys, but I couldn't continue living with you, not like that.'

'What was wrong?'

'Your behaving every time I said or did something that remotely could have been a critic on yourself. I just hated having to reassure you that I loved you or that you weren't a total mess. It just was too much for me.' '

Ok so let me get this straight: do you know what love is about?', Logan asked and I looked at him warning.

'Yes.'

'Then you should know that it's about accepting the good and the bad sides and putting the needs of someone else before your owns. You can't love him if you hated having to deal with his bad sides.'

'You don't even know what it was like.'

'I know Kendall long enough and I know about his problems and I deal with them because I want to and for me, they don't define him, they are just a part of him that shouldn't matter, as much as the fact that he is an amazing human being, to someone who loves him.'

'Okay I knew you were gay but I didn't know Kendall was.', she said looking at me strangely.

'Well me and Logan are a couple now, so does that answer your question?' She nodded and stood up.

'I loved you Avery, I really did. But I don't need you coming back and turning everything around again. I don't need that, I honestly don't.', I said standing up and she didn't reply anything but just left.

I sat back down and leaned my head onto Logan's shoulder, who had put his arm around me.

'Ken...are you okay?'

'I guess.'

'You know...it's okay to cry. It doesn't mean you are weak. Sometimes it just means that you've been strong for too long.'

I nodded and stood up going into the living room and sitting down on the couch. Logan followed and sat down beside me again.

'It's what she said, isn't it?'

'She knew about it. She knew about my struggles. What I went through, what I'm still going through every day. What I'm feeling and what I'm thinking about when I'm asking questions like

'How can you even like me', stuff like that. She knew everything and she still couldn't deal with it.'

'Some people can't Kendall. Some people just don't know how to act or how to react to someone with struggles like you have. It doesn't have anything to do with you, they wouldn't be able to with anybody else. We just have to try the best we can and hope that it helps the person we love.

It's even harder when you love that person. You don't want to see them suffer. You want them happy. I think she loved you. She just realized too late that you are not what everyone sees and that there is something else behind this smile.

That's why she left without writing a note. She didn't know how to explain her feelings in a note, she didn't know what she was feeling.'

I let his words sunk in and nodded to give him a response. I didn't notice the tears falling from my eyes until one hit my hand which was in my lap. I looked down and felt Logan putting his arms around me pulling me close to his chest.

I wrapped my arms around him and silently cried into his shoulder. I didn't exactly know why I was crying.

'You've been holding that in for too long Ken.', I heard Logan whisper in my ear and I knew he was right. I never meant to let it out and I still didn't want to, but I couldn't stop either. Eventually the tears slowed down and I pulled away from Logan wiping my face with my hands.

He pulled them away and put his hands on my cheeks wiping the tears that were left with his thumb away. He kissed me gently and this time I pushed him back onto the couch.

I kissed him more passionately and felt him pulling on my shirt, so I took it off, then his. I trailed my hands over his chest down to his hips feeling his soft skin under my hands.

He kept kissing me and unbuttoned my pants. I let him and took off his in return. Then the doorbell rang. We pulled away and stared at the door.

'Not again.', I mumbled and got off of the couch.


	8. Chapter 8

Logan following me taking one of my hands in his, intertwining our fingers. I opened the door, this time not bothering to look through the peephole, expecting it to be Avery again and not caring what she'd think, seeing us two just in our boxers.

But it wasn't Avery. It was Spencer and it probably didn't make a very good impression. I saw her last hope fade away when she saw our fingers intertwined.

'Hey Spencer, didn't expect you here, well we didn't expect anyone.'

'Yeah I'm sure I'm here so late but I couldn't stop thinking about you so I thought I'd just try my luck and ask you out on a coffee or something but I guess it really is stupid to think I have a chance.'

'I'm sorry Spence but I can't change being gay and loving Kendall. If I wasn't I'd definitely go out with you. But what do you think about becoming friends again?'

'Um, that'd be great. So you have my number, see you around. Bye. Oh, and have fun.'

'Thanks, bye.', we both said smiling and waved goodbye, closing the door behind her. Logan dragged me upstairs and into my bedroom. We laid down on the bed and he kissed me shortly.

'Spencer seems cool.', I said and turned my head to face him.

'She is. We were good friends before and in math class and when we had to work on our projects but besides that we didn't ever talk. It was a weird friendship.'

'Why wouldn't you talk? I bet you saw each other more often than in one class.'

'Yeah well she was always with her friends and they didn't like me. So we never got to hang out or talk besides when they weren't there, which wasn't often as you can guess.'

'Well I can tell you that they were crazy not to like you.', I said and kissed him. He pulled me closer and we continued kissing for awhile until Logan pulled away.

'We should sleep, we gotta be fit for rehearsal tomorrow.'

'I know, I know.' I sighed and pulled the blanket over us. I laid my head down on the pillow and looked up at the ceiling.

Logan scooted over so he was laying on my chest and soon I felt his breathing get steady. I looked at the clock beside me - 12.20am. I sighed and redirected my eyes to the ceiling. Tomorrow I'd either be good or I'd totally mess up.

Logan tried to reassure me I wouldn't but there still was that fear that wouldn't go away. I guess it would always be there. Not particularly from messing up but from Logan leaving me and something stupid being the reason.

Eventually he'd realize that I wasn't what he expected and that he couldn't fix me. I looked at the clock again - 1.03am. I looked at Logan sleeping peacefully on my chest and kissed his head. He shifted slightly and tightened his grip around my waist.

I loved this boy with all my heart and I never wanted to imagine a day without him. I felt Logan move and looked at him.

'Why aren't you sleeping?', he whispered his voice sounding sleepy. I shrugged and leaned back.

'Ken what's up? Please tell me.', he begged now becoming more awake.

'Too much on my mind.'

'You are worried but about what? Tomorrow? The rehearsal?'

'Not particularly.'

'Avery?'

'No.'

'Ken tell me.'

'You.'

'what has you worrying about me?'

'It's stupid.'

'It can't be stupid if it keeps you up at night.'

'I'm scared that's all.'

'I won't leave you Kenny. Never. Trust me.' I nodded.

'You don't believe me. Why don't you? What do you think could possibly be a reason for me to break up with you?'

'You realizing that I'm not what you expected and that you can't fix me because I'm too messed up.', I answered quietly and looked away from him.

'No just no, trust me that will never be a reason I could even consider leaving your for only one day. I got into this relationship with you because I accepted these sides of you and because I wanted to help you. You are perfect to me and you will always be.

You could be a total wreck and I'd still think you are perfect and I'd still love you to pieces.'

I looked at him and saw the sincere worry in his eyes but I believed him and I really did this time.

'I believe you Logie. I honestly do.'

'I'm glad Ken, I love you.'

'Love you too.' This time I laid down with Logan having his arms around me. I slowly fell asleep just to wake up what seemed like a couple of minutes later because of someone ringing the doorbell.

'Seriously, this needs to stop.', I mumbled to myself and turned around to see Logan still asleep.

I kissed his forehead and then got up and went downstairs.


	9. Chapter 9

**(A/N):Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter,really appreciate it guys. xoxo **

I looked through the peephole - James, what does he want here at this time?! I opened the door and looked at him questioning.

'Yeah I know, I woke you up and I'm sorry but it's important.' I let him in and we went into the kitchen.

'Coffee?'

'Yeah please.'

'So what is so important that you come here at 7am?', I asked while making two cups of coffee.

'Avery was at my house, yesterday.'

'Well she was here too.'

'You serious?'

'Yeah but not for long and I don't think she'll come back.'

'Wait, what did you say or do to her?'

'Well she explained why she left and Logan...well he didn't like her reason.'

'He didn't do anything did he?'

'No he just said a few things, which I'm really glad about and Avery knows that we are together and she left, I don't know, basically I told her that I loved her but that I don't need her coming back and turning everything around again. Why was she at yours?'

'I think now that you are saying that I don't think she told us both the same reason why she apparently left.'

'What did she tell you?'

'That she needed time to think because of the band and that she wasn't sure if it was what she wanted and that's why she left without explaining anything. What did she tell you?'

'That she needed time because she couldn't keep living with me together like that.'

'Like what? What could have been wrong?' I hesitated, he didn't know...and I didn't want him to know.

'I have no idea. She didn't say anything specific.'

'Hmm ok. But why would she lie to me, assuming what she told you was the truth.'

'Oh it was the truth, definitely but I don't know why she lied.'

'We should ask her about it.'

'You do that, I will never talk to her again and that's a promise.'

'Fine, I'll call you after. Tell Logan I said hi when he wakes up.'

'I will, talk to you later.'

'Yeah bye.' He left and I went back upstairs to my still sleeping boyfriend. I sat down on the bed, my back against the wall and watched Logan sleep.

He tossed and turned and it seemed like he was having a nightmare. I lightly shook him but he didn't stop.

'Please don't, just leave him alone already. Avery leave!', I heard him mumble and shook him until he opened his eyes.

He sat up quickly and turned around looking at me as if he was surprised I was still there.

'You are here, oh thank god.', he mumbled hugging me tightly. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed the top of his head.

'Everything's fine, ok? You are safe, I am safe and we are here together without Avery.', I whispered and he nodded still clinging onto me.

I took his arms off of me and looked at him.

'What was the nightmare about?'

'Avery had you...she didn't want to let you go, ever. You didn't like it, I tried to help you, she wouldn't leave us alone. She was scary and angry and I was just so scared that she'd do something to you...'

'Shh Logan everyone's ok. Avery isn't holding anyone captive and she won't ever. I promise.'

I put my hand on his cheek and stroked it with my thumb.

'Are you alright?' He nodded and I kissed him gently.

'I love you, okay?'

'Okay.' I hugged him and he laid down with his head in my lap and his arms wrapped around my waist.

'Kendall?'

'Yeah Logie?'

'Why were you awake?'

'Oh James was here.'

'What did he want?'

'Wanted to tell me that he got a visit from Avery. She told him she left us because she needed time to think about the band and she wasn't sure if it was what she wanted.'

'Why would she lie to him?'

'Well he is about to find that out, since I refused to talk to her ever again.'

'Does he know why she left you?'

'The short version, that she couldn't keep living with me together that way. He doesn't need to know more, he wouldn't understand. I don't want him to worry.'

'Okay.'

'Logan are you really okay?'

'I love you and dreaming something like this, it felt so real. I don't want this to happen. I want Avery out of our lives.'

'It won't and Avery will never bother us again. Trust me.' He snuggled up to me and I put my arms around him. I stroked his back and felt him finally relax.

'You okay again?'

'Yeah, thanks.'

'Always there for you.'

'Love you.'

'Love you too.' We laid there for awhile until I looked at the clock and decided that we should get up, so we could eat before rehearsal. I went over to my closet and took out a pair of black skinny jeans, a t-shirt and a flannel.

'You have something for me too?', Logan asked laying on bed, looking at me expectant.

'Um sure, jeans and t-shirt?'

'Don't care, give me what you want.' I took out another pair of skinny jeans and another t-shirt. I threw it over to him.

'New pair of boxers? I really have to get some things from my house.'

'Sure and you should but still no problem.' I threw a pair over to him and he went to change into the bathroom.

'You look like me.', I noted when he came out of the bathroom.

'Well I like wearing your clothes.'

'I like you in my clothes.' I pecked his lips and went into the bathroom to change too. When I came out I saw Logan waiting for me.

'Why didn't you go downstairs already?'

'Well you kissed me and then left and I couldn't accept that.', he said smirking and came towards me wrapping his arms around my neck. I put my arms around his waist and pulled him closer.

'I have nothing against that.', I whispered and kissed him. we stood there for some time, just kissing, enjoying each other. I pulled away and smiled at him, kissing his forehead.

'Come on, the boys will be here soon.' He put his head on my chest and I just hugged him tight.

'I love you Ken.', he whispered and I kissed his hair.

'Love you too, forever.' I pulled away, took his hand and went downstairs with him. We made some breakfast together and sat down across from each other. When we finished we put everything away and decided to go for a walk, since we still had a good half hour until the boys would come over.

I locked the door and took his hand after putting the key in my pocket. We went to the park, which just was a 2 minute walk away.

'I just used to come here every day when I first moved into my house.'

'Why did you stop coming here?'

'I don't even know.'

'You do know.'

'Yeah you are probably right. Perhaps because of the band becoming more busy perhaps because of Avery becoming my girlfriend. She didn't like coming to the park with me, I didn't want to risk losing her, so I stopped.'

'I didn't know she was influencing you that much.'

'I didn't notice it, I was too in love I guess.' He nodded and I put my arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer.

'But I have you and I'm really happy about that.' He put his arm around my waist and smiled.

'Me too...It'd be great if the band could become something, like something big.'

'It would but it rarely happens.'

'We should post more covers on YouTube, try to get a little more attention.'

'Maybe.'

'You don't want attention?'

'I do but fame changes people.'

'Not us.'

'So many said that before.'

'What do you want to say exactly?', he asked while sitting down on a bench. I sat down next to him.

'Listen, I want the band to have success, I really do. But we will definitely change because of the fame. I don't want that. We will be stressed and I have fun playing music for people but I'm afraid that will change when it's connected with stress.

I don't want us to fall apart. That's all.'

'Would it convince you if I told you that we are best friends since forever and that won't change because of success? Or that I definitely won't break up because we get famous.'

'Slightly. You know what, I don't care, it won't happen anyway so what are we talking about here.'

'Then we can still try. Let's talk to the boys about it, we have to go back anyway, they'll be there in a few.'

'Yeah ok.', I agreed and we got up heading back home, where we saw the boys already waiting outside the house.

'You are here early guys.', I pointed out and laughed with Logan when James and Carlos turned around scared.

'We didn't think you'd be out.'


	10. Chapter 10

'We just went for a walk, assuming you wouldn't be here early.' We went inside and down to the basement.

'You're wearing Kendall's clothes now?'

'I wasn't at home yet and I wanted something fresh. Besides, I like'em.'

'You two look really alike.'

'I like the way he looks in my clothes.'

'Whatever, enough talk about clothes, we are no girls. Let's start rehearsal.' Carlos sat down behind the drums and James stood behind the keyboard, while Logan and I both took our electric guitars.

I stood in front of the mic and Logan next to me.

'One, Two, Three, Four.', I counted in and we all started playing...

_Life can be so hard to breathe_

_When you're trapped inside a box_

_You're waiting for a break to come_

_It always comes too late_

_You're on the edge, stumbling_

_And the road it starts to wind_

_But every time a page is turned_

_A chance to make it right_

_Oh the sun will rise_

_Like a flame ignites_

_We're not done till we say it's over_

_We won't fade away_

_Oh the sun will rise_

_Tomorrow Never Dies_

_Oh oh oh oh_

_Tomorrow Never Dies_

_It's hard to see the enemy_

_When you're looking at yourself_

_Maybe your reflection shows_

_You're screaming out for help_

_And you try your best to just keep up_

_And your feet they fall behind_

_But the beat you're marching to_

_You're keeping perfect time_

_Oh the sun will rise_

_Like a flame ignites_

_We're not done till we say it's over_

_We won't fade away_

_Oh the sun will rise_

_Tomorrow Never Dies_

_Oh oh oh oh_

_Tomorrow Never Dies_

_Try your best to change your fate_

_You can just enjoy the ride_

_The sun will rise, the moon will fall_

_Tomorrow Never Dies_

_Oh the sun will rise (the sun will rise, the sun will rise)_

_Like a flame ignites (the flame ignites, the flame ignites)_

_We're not done_

_Til we say it's over_

_We won't fade away_

_Oh the sun will rise_

_Tomorrow never dies_

_Never dies, never dies, no (woah, woah)_

_Never dies, never dies, no (woah, woah)  
Tomorrow never dies_

_Never dies, never dies, no (woah, woah)_

_Never dies, never dies, no (woah, woah)_

_Tomorrow never dies_

We finished the song we first wrote together and I smiled at Logan. He nodded and I turned to the boys.

'This was amazing! Sounds better without Avery I think.'

'Gotta agree with you buddy. Loved Avery's voice but it could never beat Kendall.'

'Told you.'

'Thanks guys. Next one?'

'Which one?'

'Oh, you'll see...' I smirked and started playing. They laughed and joined in...

_Don't wanna be an American idiot  
Don't want a nation under the new media  
And can you hear the sound of hysteria?  
The subliminal mind fuck America_

Welcome to a new kind of tension  
All across the alien nation  
Where everything isn't meant to be okay

Television dreams of tomorrow  
We're not the ones who're meant to follow  
For that's enough to argue

Well maybe I'm the faggot America  
I'm not a part of a redneck agenda  
Now everybody do the propaganda  
And sing along to the age of paranoia

Welcome to a new kind of tension  
All across the alien nation  
Where everything isn't meant to be okay

Television dreams of tomorrow  
We're not the ones who're meant to follow  
For that's enough to argue

Don't want to be an American idiot  
One nation controlled by the media  
Information age of hysteria  
It's going out to idiot America

Welcome to a new kind of tension  
All across the alien nation  
Where everything isn't meant to be okay

Television dreams of_tomorrow_  
_We're not the ones who're meant to follow_  
_For that's enough to argue_

'I love this song guys! And Green Day.'

'That's why we are playing it.', I answered laughing.

'Kendall and I thought about uploading more YouTube covers, to get a little more attention.'

'That's a great idea, I'd gladly edit them.'

'Yeah I like the idea too, maybe we'll have a little success.'

'Which songs?'

'I think a cover would be good for the start. So American Idiot?', I asked and they all agreed. I went upstairs and got a camera. I went back downstairs and put the camera up. I pressed 'record'. I turned around and looked at the other boys who looked back at me expectant.

I sighed and started:

'Hey, we're Summer Idiots and this is our cover of American Idiot by Green Day. We hope you all like it. Enjoy.' I started playing and we did the whole song. I went over and turned the camera off.

'Why did I have to do the introduction?'

'You are kinda of the lead singer so you are the face of the band, which makes you automatically responsible for that.'

'Well thank you very much.', I said sarcastically.

'Are we done for today?'

'I guess. We can try the other songs tomorrow.', Carlos said and we nodded, heading back upstairs. I gave Carlos the memory card with the video we just had filmed. We said goodbye and Carlos and James left.

'You were amazing Ken, just like I told you.'

'It was fun without Avery, more fun. I liked singing alone but I would love if you'd join me sometimes.'

'No way will I sing.'

'Just wait, I'll get you to sing with me sooner or later.'

'You won't, I promise.' I shrugged and went down into the basement once again. I took my guitar and motioned for Logan to sit down. I started playing and looked at him smirking.

_Oh oh o-o-oh, oh oh o-oh_

Life's a tangled web  
Of cell phone calls and hashtag I-don't-knows  
And you you're so caught up  
In all the blinking lights and dial tones  
I admit I'm a bit of a victim in the worldwide system too  
But I've found my sweet escape when I'm alone with you

Tune out the static sound of the city that never sleeps  
Here in the moment on the dark side of the screen

I like the summer rain  
I like the sounds you make  
We put the world away  
We get so disconnected  
You are my getaway  
You are my favorite place  
We put the world away  
Yeah we're so disconnected

Oh oh o-o-oh, oh oh o-oh  
We're so disconnected  
Oh oh o-o-oh, oh oh o-oh

Hands around my waist  
You're counting up the hills across the sheets  
And I'm a falling star  
A glimmer lighting up these cotton streets  
I admit I'm a bit of a fool for playing by the rules  
But I've found my sweet escape when I_'__m alone with you_

_Tune out the static sound of the city that never sleeps_  
_Here in the moment on the dark side of the screen_

_I like the summer rain_  
_I like the sounds you make_  
_We put the world away_  
_We get so disconnected_  
_You are my getaway_  
_You are my favourite place_  
_We put the world away_  
_Yeah we're so disconnected_

_Turn off the radio_  
_Those late night TV shows_  
_Hang up the telephone_  
_And just be here with me_

_Turn off the radio_  
_Those late night TV shows_  
_Hang up the telephone_  
_And just be here with me_

_I like the summer rain_  
_I like the sounds you make_  
_We put the world away_  
_We get so disconnected_  
_You are my getaway_  
_You are my favourite place_  
_We put the world away_  
_Yeah we're so disconnected_

_I like the summer rain_  
_I like the sounds you make_  
_We put the world away_  
_We get so disconnected_  
_You are my getaway_  
_You are my favourite place_  
_We put the world away_  
_Yeah we're so disconnected_

_Oh oh o-o-oh, oh oh o-oh_  
_We're so disconnected_  
_Oh oh o-o-oh, oh oh o-oh_

'I love it, still not going to sing with you.'

'Nope, but you are going to sing for me. I know you have a few songs written yourself.'

'Who said that?'

'Nobody.'

'Then why would you say that?'

'I just know it. You love music and you have the ability to write, so you clearly will write about what you're going through. Yes, it's that easy.'

'Fine, yes I have a couple of songs, but nobody ever heard them before and nobody will hear them.'

'Why? At least show them to me.'

'These songs are about things that I went through and I don't want to go through this again when singing these songs.'

'So you wrote them and then never looked at them again.'

'Exactly.'

'Will you show me the lyrics at least?'

'...Fine.', he said sighing, 'I have a notebook at home and since I have to get a few things anyway I'll just bring it too.'

'So let's go?'

'You want to come with me?'

'If you don't mind? I'd have nothing to do here anyway.'

'Yeah sure. Come on.' We went upstairs and left. Logan's house was just 10 minutes away so we decided to walk.

'Logan?', I asked quietly and regretted it as soon as I said it. I couldn't lie now, he would know.

'Yeah?' I sighed, I could try.

'Oh, um never mind.'

'Kendall?!', he said and I knew I couldn't back down.

'Do you...do you think we'll last?'

'The band?'

'No I mean us.'

'Of course. Why wouldn't we? What makes you ask that?'

'I was just thinking about Cal.'

'What's with Cal?'

'You two seemed perfect and then you suddenly broke up.'

'Cal and I was something totally different. To be honest it wasn't perfect at all and the break up wasn't suddenly. I knew for some time that it wasn't going to work for much longer.'

'If it wasn't as good as it seemed then why did you always make it seem like it was?'

'I wanted this relationship, I really did and Cal and I had days that we were inseparable but then we had days when we couldn't look at each other and were only fighting and these days were becoming more common.

I didn't want to be the one breaking up so I didn't but that last argument we had was obviously enough for Cal so he finally broke up.'

'Why didn't you tell me?'

'I just did.'

'No, I mean while you were still a couple.'

'I didn't want ANYone to know that we were falling apart. Everyone always said how cute we were together and that we looked good together. I didn't want to crush their dreams and I couldn't tell you because I knew I'd fall for you even more.

I couldn't let that happen, I was still with Cal and I knew hearing you giving me advice or something would make me fall in love with you more.'

'I understand but I still can't understand why Cal wasn't able to treat you right. I mean you are amazing and I wouldn't be able to fight with you, ever.'

'When we were fighting there was something that had made him angry or sad and that's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.'

'So now you are quoting The Fault in our Stars?'

'But it's true, isn't it? When we did fight, we always had a reason. Simple and little things, but they were there.'

'Still I can't understand him, though I'm happy it didn't work out.'

'Me too.' We arrived at his house and went inside. He went upstairs and soon came down with a backpack in which I assumed where clothes to change and so on.

'You have your notebook?'

'Yeah, sure.'

'Ok then ready to go?'

'Ready when you are.' I smiled and we left heading back to my house.

Songs used:

Tomorrow Never Dies - 5 Seconds of Summer

American Idiot- Green Day

Disconnected- 5 Seconds of Summer


	11. Chapter 11

When we arrived there was a note attached to the door. I picked it up and read it:

Hey Kendall, Logan

just wanted to tell you that

I'm great at ruining things

Didn't want to ruin our friendship though

So if there's anything I can do, tell me

Coming to your gig on Friday btw

xoxo Avery

I gave it to Logan without saying a word and unlocked the door whilst he read the note.

'That bitch. Who does she think she is? I swear if this is true and she's coming to the gig I'm going to...'

'Logan stop it. I get it, your angry at her and I'm too, you don't want her there and I neither do I but we can't change the fact that she'll do what she wants, she always does. I don't believe that she wants to fix our friendship and even if she wanted to, I don't and as long as we don't give in to her, then everything's going to be fine.'

'I guess. Since when are you the convincing one in this relationship?!'

'I don't even know okay? It's just, you seemed to be a little out of it because of that note and I didn't want you saying or doing something you'd regret.'

'Thanks.'

'No problem.', I said smirking.

'Let's eat and then go to bed? I'm kinda tired.'

'Yeah sure.', he said and went upstairs to put his bag away while I went into the kitchen and started making dinner. When we were finished with dinner we put everything away and went upstairs.

'Do you think Carlos has the video already edited?'

'I guess, he won't just upload it will he?'

'Why not?'

'I don't know, so we can look at what he did and how it sounds.'

'He'll do that. I think he maybe already uploaded it.'

'Hmm, I'll look, just let me change.' I changed into sweatpants and grabbed my laptop. I searched for our band YouTube channel and saw that there was a new video posted.

'He did post it.'

'Ok then just wait and I'll be there.' He changed and sat down next to me on the bed, with our backs against the wall and the laptop in our laps. He switched off the light and I pressed play.

Carlos did a great job at editing and it looked and sounded really good.

'You sound amazing Ken, seriously your voice sounds even better here.'

'We all sound great.' I turned the laptop off again and put it away.

'Yeah but still, it's you who sang this and I'm in love with it.' I laid down my head on my pillow and looked up at him.

'Really?'

'Yes really.' He leaned over and kissed me.

'You know what?', I whispered.

'What?'

'Luckiest boy in the world, right here in front of you.' He kissed me again and I could feel him smile against my lips.

'Love you Ken.'

'Love you too Logie.' I pecked his lips and snuggled up to him. I soon fell asleep to his steady heartbeat.

'Kendall...Ken, wake up. Come on don't make me throw you out of bed.' I opened my eyes and looked at Logan.

'What is up with you?'

'With me? You are the one who's still sleeping at almost 2 in the afternoon.'

'Wait what? But we went to bed so early.'

'I know and I was up around 9am. I decided to let you sleep but since the boys will be over soon I had to wake you. Where you this tired?'

'I don't know, obviously.'

'Whatever, you gotta get dressed and I'll make you something to eat. Breakfast or Lunch?'

'Just a little cereal.'

'Okay...' He went downstairs and I looked for my jeans from yesterday and a new shirt, which had a few holes in it and was a band shirt of Green Day. I got dressed and went downstairs.

'Hey pretty boy, love the shirt. Cereal's on the table.'

'Thanks.', I answered quietly, sat down and started eating.

'Is everything alright?', he asked while sitting down across from me.

'Yeah sure.'

'Kendall?', he asked questioning and I knew he didn't believe it.

'No really I'm serious, everything's fine. I'm fine.' He nodded but I knew he still thought I was lying.

Honestly I didn't know if it was the truth or not. I was feeling down, yes but I didn't know why and maybe I'd be okay by the time we'd start rehearsals.

When I finished we put everything away and I went downstairs into the basement. Logan didn't follow me though, I don't know why. I grabbed my electric guitar and started strumming random chords.

Until I remembered one of the songs I've recently discovered and learned to play.

All the small things  
True care, truth brings  
I'll take one lift  
Your ride, best trip

Always I know  
You'll be at my show  
Watching, waiting  
Commiserating

Say it ain't so  
I will not go  
Turn the lights off  
Carry me home

Na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na  
Na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na  
Na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na  
Na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na

Late night come home  
Work sucks, I know  
He left me roses by the stairs  
Surprises let me know He cares

Say it ain't so  
I will not go  
Turn the lights off  
Carry me home

Na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na  
Na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na  
Na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na  
Na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na

Say it ain't so  
I will not go  
Turn the lights off  
Carry me home

Keep your lips still  
I'll be your thrill  
The night will go on  
My little windmill

Say it ain't so  
I will not go  
Turn the lights off  
Carry me home

Keep your lips still  
I'll be your thrill  
The night will go on, the night will go on  
My little windmill

It was a song by Blink-182 and it was one of my favorites.

**Song used: **

All The Small Things- Blink-182


	12. Chapter 12

It was relatively easy to play so I enjoyed the learning process. I didn't notice that Logan joined me in the basement until I looked up after I finished playing.

'Kendall, please tell me what's going on.'

'If I knew Logan, I'd tell you.'

'The song's great. Your own?'

'No Blink-182, though I wish I wrote it, it's amazing.'

'It is. But your songs are too.'

'I guess. Anyway, the boys should be here anytime, shouldn't they?'

'I think so. Let's go upstairs again?'

I nodded and we went upstairs. We cuddled up on the couch and Logan stroked my hair and back.

'How do you feel Ken?', he whispered and I sighed.

'Right now? ... Safe.'

'Anything else?'

'Insecure.'

'About?'

'My life.'

'Ken?'

'Yeah?'

'Don't.'

'Why?'

'Because you don't deserve to feel like this. Maybe you don't think that your life is great but I do and I really like to see you happy and enjoy your life because I love you.'

'Thank you Logan, for...generally existing and wanting to spend your time with me.'

'I love you Kendall, I'd do everything for you.'

'I love you too.' I lifted my head and smiled at him. I leaned in and kissed him putting my arms around his neck. He put his around my waist and I pushed him on his back, not breaking the kiss once. He pulled me closer and I smiled into the kiss.

I heard someone clearing his throat and pulled away. We looked up and saw James and Carlos standing there.

'How did you get in here?'

'The door was a little opened, we knocked but got no answer so we opened the door and saw you two making out on the couch. We thought you'd notice us, but you didn't so we had to make you notice us.', James explained and Carlos smirked.

'Sorry.', we both said and smiled sheepishly.

'We waited for this to happen sooner or later. So no problem guys. We're glad you guys are happy, no worries.', Carlos noted and we laughed slightly.

'Let's get to work then.' We went downstairs and started rehearsing.

'Guys I know we have all the songs set up but... I know Kendall has a song, well a cover that he really likes and I liked it too, so if we could consider playing that too.'

I looked at him surprised and confused but he just smiled.

'Which song?'

'All the small things by Blink-182.'

'I know that song, it's really great. Just have to look for the drums. Can you play it Kendall?'

'Um yeah sure.' I started playing and singing and looked at them from time to time. They nodded and I kept playing. I finished and they all smiled.

'We'll play it. End of discussion.'

'Great. Carlos what about the drums?'

'Easy. James?'

'Yeah sure, I'll have it tomorrow.'

'Ok then, great.' We rehearsed another 2 songs and then the boys left. We cuddled up on the couch again and I laid my head on his chest while he had his arms around me.

'How do you feel?'

'Safe, I look at you, and I'm home. There is no one else in this world that I feel both comfortable and nervous around, but still feel good about myself. Everyone is either one or the other, and I don't let people see me the way you do.'

'I read that on Tumblr the other day.'

'I think it's true, like they read my mind and brought it into words.'

'I'm glad you feel that way. I just want you to know that you can tell me anything, no matter what and when. I promise I'll never judge you. I just want you to be happy and content with yourself, your life and this relationship.'

'I may not be with myself or my life but definitely with this relationship. You'll never be able to disappoint me in any way.

I love you too much, I always have, I just never knew until Avery left and made me realize that she wasn't the only person who was always there for me, you were even more and I love you so much for never giving up on me and never leaving me no matter how much I wanted to push you away.'

'I've always cared for you and that will never stop. You are...the most important person in my life, you always were and you always will.'

I kissed him gently and just enjoyed the feeling of his soft lips on mine. I pulled away and smiled at him. He smiled back and snuggled up to him again. Our legs tangled together, my head laid on his chest, he had his arms around me and I had mine around his waist and lying on his chest.

'I think the only song we should rehearse tomorrow is the new one, nothing more.'

'I agree on that one. We'll just be even more stressed out.'

'Good. Carlos and James will agree too, I guess.'

'Yeah I think so.' We went silent again and I enjoyed to be able to have him so near all the time.

'Ken?'

'Yeah?'

'You ever think about how different your life could be if you decided against one little action or something? Like if you hadn't gone to that primary school but to the other one which was just as great, we'd have never met and if I hadn't decided to go to this club in first class after school I wouldn't have met you and this all wouldn't have happened.'

'Yeah I think about that a lot, actually. It's crazy but that's life and I don't regret a single one of my choices.'

'I do neither.'

'Can I read your songs?' He sighed and I knew he wasn't comfortable with showing me the songs but I wanted to know what was so terrifying that he couldn't look at it a second time.

'It's upstairs in my bag.' I got up and went upstairs. I searched for the notebook and soon found it. I went back downstairs and sat down at the end of the couch, lifting Logan's legs up so they were in my lap and I could sit down.

I opened the book and read the lyrics to the first song.

'Are all songs you wrote about something you don't want to relive again?'

'No, not all of them, I think the first ones are not.' I read it anyway:

_My computer thinks I'm gay_  
_I threw that piece of junk away_  
_On the Champs-Elysées_  
_As I was walking home_

_This is my last communique_  
_Down the supper highway_  
_All that I have left to say in a single tome_

_I got too many friends_  
_Too many people that I'll never meet_  
_And I'll never be there for_  
_I'll never be there for_  
_'Cause I'll never be there_

_If I could give it all away_  
_Will it come back to me someday?_  
_Like a needle in the hay or an expensive stone_

_But I got a reason to declaim_  
_The applications are to blame_  
_For all my sorrow and my pain_  
_A feeling so alone_

_I got too many friends_  
_Too many people that I'll never meet_  
_And I'll never be there for_  
_I'll never be there for_  
_'Cause I'll never be there_

_Too many friends_  
_Too many people that I'll never meet_  
_And I'll never be there for_  
_I'll never be there for_  
_'Cause I'll never be there_

_My computer thinks I'm gay_  
_What's the difference anyway_  
_When all the people do all day_  
_Is stare into a phone_

_I got too many friends_  
_Too many people that I'll never meet_  
_And I'll never be there for_  
_I'll never be there for_  
_'Cause I'll never be there_

_Too many friends_  
_Too many people that I'll never meet_  
_And I'll never be there for_  
_I'll never be there for_  
_'Cause I'll never be there_

_I'll never be there [x4]_

'Can you sing the first song? 'Too Many Friends'. I really like the lyrics and I'd really appreciate it if you'd show me.'


	13. Chapter 13

He sighed again and I didn't think he'd do it but he got up, went downstairs and came back with his guitar. He laid the notebook down on the table and started strumming and signing.

I got goose bumps when he sang that first line and I knew that this song will someday be a hit.

'I got too many friends, too many people that I'll never meet...', I joined him with singing and he looked up from the notebook and smiled.

I nodded and we continued singing.

'You have to record this song for me so I can listen to it daily, honestly. Why did you write a song like this and never showed it to anyone before?'

'Because I didn't think it's this great?'

'Logan seriously stop thinking that and accept that you can write really great songs and this is one of them. We'll sing this on Friday.'

'We won't. James and Carlos won't be able to figure something out this quickly.'

'I didn't mean to tell them. Just you and me with our guitars. Maybe Carlos joins us maybe not, perhaps James will perhaps not, doesn't matter.'

'Kendall...'

'No Logan, just accept it. Nothing will change my mind.'

'Fine. But it was your idea if the boys are mad.'

'It is, completely my idea, promise.'

'Good.' I went back to reading the notebook. The next song, was called 'Gotta Get Out'.

'When did you write this one?', I asked showing him the song.

'I was kinda young I believe, in high school.' I nodded. The lyrics were about escaping this world and that sometimes you just gotta get out.

'Why did you...?'

'Write it?' I nodded.

'I think it was just...everything was so overwhelming back then and I probably just kinda felt like escaping sometimes and that'd it be nice to leave all your problems behind.'

'We were friends then already.'

'I know but I wasn't that type to just talk to my friends about every single problem I had.'

'Hmm okay.' I turned the page and read the next song 'Faster'

_Can you feel it pulsing through your veins__  
Running around like a mad man__  
Looking for a game play__  
That will take your breath away__  
Flying high like an airplane__  
Balanced on a tightrope__  
Waiting for the big show__  
Hoping I can do it all over again_

_Fill me up with the glorious words you say__  
Make me part of the wonderful games you play_

_It's gotta be faster, faster__  
Harder, harder__  
A better version of me__  
Gotta be crazy, sexy, louder, edgy__  
A bigger version of me_

_So here's something we can all dance to__  
I'll sing about the beat to make us all move_

_It's gotta be faster, faster__  
Harder, harder__  
But you don't know what it means_

_So come and brief me__  
You're obviously the chief of me__  
You always know what's best__  
I am just a singer in a hotel room__  
Trying hard to pass your test__  
And if I'm ticking all the boxes__  
Or tricking all the foxes__  
I guess it's not my call_

_So fill me up with the glorious words you say__  
Make me part of the wonderful games you play_

_It's gotta be faster, faster__  
Harder, harder__  
A better version of me__  
Gotta be crazy, sexy, louder, edgy__  
A bigger version of me_

_So here's something we can all dance to__  
I'll sing about the beat to make us all move_

_It's gotta be faster, faster__  
Harder, harder__  
But you don't know what it means_

_And if you took me as I am__  
Would it be such a bad thing?__  
Saw me as I am,__  
would it be so bad?__  
If you felt what I had__  
Would it be such a bad thing?__  
Be such a bad thing?_

_It's gotta be faster, faster__  
Harder, harder__  
A better version of me__  
Gotta be crazy, sexy, louder, edgy__  
A bigger version of me_

_Faster, faster__  
Harder, harder__  
A better version of me__  
Gotta be crazy, sexy, louder ,edgy__  
A bigger version of me_

_So here's something we can all dance to__  
I'll sing about the beat to make us all move_

_It's gotta be faster, faster__  
Harder, harder_  
_But you don't know what it means..._

'Can you sing the chorus of this?'

'Um, sure.' He started singing and I fell in love with the song, I was sure that I'd have it stuck in my head for some time, it was just really catchy.

'I like it. It's different. Why didn't you want to show me your songs? The songs I read until now are really great and not particularly about something bad or sad or something.'

'I know but there are enough songs that are and I still don't know if I want you to know or not.'

'Then I'll stop reading. Just tell me when you know or when you want to talk about it, I won't force you.'

'Thanks.', he said quietly. I put the notebook away and hugged him. He buried his head in my neck and wrapped his arms around my waist.

I stroked his back and closed my eyes. I was really happy and grateful for him.

**My life wasn't perfect, it never has been and it never will but when I'm with him, it almost is for a short moment. **

Songs used:

Too Many Friends-Placebo

Gotta Get Out- 5 Seconds of Summer (You should definitely check this song out, it's perf)

Faster- Sofi De La Torre


End file.
